20) “Freak Me” – Silk
“Let me lick you up and down, till you say stop,” is the first line of the song, and by the second line you realize they weren’t talking about butter pecan ice cream on a cone.
19) “Age Ain’t Nothing but A Number” – Aaliyah
Add that the song is about an underage girl singing the title to an adult man. Then add what we always knew about grown Robert Kelly and then teenage Aaliyah’s relationship, and you create the recipe for all types of wrong.
18) “Oops” – Tweet
A grown woman is singing about pleasing herself; liberation. Middle-school adolescent repeating the song out loud in front of grandma; go to your room.
17) “Darling Nikki” – Prince
How do we know Nikki was troubled? When the 11-year old daughter of former Vice President Al Gore was caught just listening to this song, we all got stuck with those infamous Parental Advisory stickers forever after.
16) “What’s Your Fantasy” – Ludacris Ft. Shawnna
The song expresses the joy of licking, and it’s not referring to ice cream.
15) “Back That Thang Up “ – Juvenile Ft. Mannie Fresh & Lil Wayne
Understand that all plates and drink cups drop to the floor whenever a 30+ year-old hears the national summertime call to twerk, “Cash Money Records taking over for the ’99 & 2000.” However, no prepubescent male should be telling a young lady, “Girl, you look good, won’t you back that thang up?!!”
14) “All the Things” – Joe
Joe raised a generation of kids to believe that playa-hatin’ was okay. (How many of us are paying for that now?)
13) “Love Shoulda Brought You Home”– Toni Braxton
Your mom had a reason for singing this song. You, at age 11, did not.
12) “Nann” – Trick Daddy & Trina
The chorus. Enough said.
11) “Ante Up” – M.O.P.
These are step-by-step audio instructions for how to rob someone.
10) “I’ll Make Love to You” – Boyz II Men
Newsflash: You singing this song in the same mirror that showed a reflection of your toys in the background wasn’t the best look.
9) “Any Time, Any Place” – Janet
“People walkin’ by are watchin’ us/ You feel so good inside my love” may not be the best poetry to recite in front of your elementary class.
8) “My Little Secret” – Xscape
An excellent cheat song that was levels above the typical Hide & Seeks for young ears.
7) “Too Close” – Next
With “I wonder if she could tell that I’m hard right now?!!” as the opener and “You’re making it hard for me” as the hook, you should’ve been on punishment for three summers if caught singing this song.
6) “Freak You” – Jodeci
It took adult years to realize that those memories of you and your friends in the back seat singing in a chorus fashion begging to have sex with someone for one night before puberty was not the best look.
5) “Doin’ It” – LL Cool J
Hey Mom, what exactly does “Doin’ it and Doin’ it, and Doin’ it well,” mean?!!
4) “Red Light Special” – TLC
As a child, you and your mother should not have been singing this song with the same passion.
3) “Freak Like Me” – Adina Howard
2) “Ain’t No Fun” – Snoop Dogg
As a kid, Snoop Dogg’s early catalog is a list within itself, but this one is the crown jewel of I-know-you-bet-not!!
1) “Slob on My Knob” – Three Six Mafia
As much as this dirty South classic STILL goes hard in the club today, it remains THE most wrong song to sing of all time–whether you’re a kid, teen, adult, or soon-to-be senior citizen.
Notorious B.I.G. – F*** You Tonight
Lil Kim’s first album (the whole thing)
Any R. Kelly song
J Hall is a Detroit-bred Howard Bison multimedia culture critic. An abstract thinker who believes “You ain’t wrong when you’re right,” and that his mother’s cupcakes are legendary. Check out his slight worldwide view here: https://linktr.ee/jhall.