Not all father figures are defined by DNA. In neighborhoods across the country, especially in Black and Brown communities, some of the most powerful examples of fatherhood come from men who step in where others cannot. These are the barbers, the coaches, the pastors, and the teachers who help shape a generation, not with grand gestures, but through consistent presence, guidance, and care.
Omari Valdez, a barber in East New York, put it best: “I’ve got 50 sons, and none of them are mine.” He gives free haircuts before the school year starts, checks in on his clients’ grades, and teaches young men how to carry themselves with dignity. His shop isn’t just a place for a fade and a lineup—it’s a sanctuary for mentorship, truth-telling, and life lessons.
Then there’s the coach who doesn’t just teach football, but responsibility. He calls his players if they miss school. He teaches young boys how to shake hands firmly, look people in the eye, and believe in their worth beyond the scoreboard.Faith leaders also play this role in many communities. The neighborhood pastor or youth leader becomes a surrogate father to many, offering spiritual guidance and emotional safety. They lead rites of passage programs, mediate conflicts, and teach young men how to process emotions in a world that often tells them to stay silent.
These men mentor students after hours, organizing rites of passage programs, or offering job prep sessions for teens. One teacher even started a weekly “Manhood Monday” lunch group, where students talk about everything from mental health to money management.
These are the quiet fathers. The steady ones. The ones who stand in the gap.
Their work often goes unrecognized, but the impact is generational. Research shows that the consistent presence of a caring adult male in a child’s life, regardless of biology—significantly boosts outcomes in education, mental health, and future employment.
So this Father’s Day, let’s celebrate the ones who father us all. Whether or not they share our last name, they deserve our gratitude. Their presence, persistence, and love are changing lives—and communities—every single day.
