Why Are You STILL Single?


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How being unmarried with kids makes you a target for insults

Why are you STILL single? One would think that asking this question 30 seconds into a conversation would be universally understood as all types of wrong—that a living, thinking human being would know and understand that asking Why are you STILL single means “What’s wrong with you?” in the language of a**hole. But nope, why are you STILL single is a question that will forever exist among various meet-and-greet social circles to be outlived only by roaches and racism.

There’s no doubt that society shames women (primarily black women) for being single at age 30+, but what often gets overlooked is the different type of humiliation applied to men who manage to live ten years past the legal age to drink.

Single black men over 25 stereotypically are seen as Super Saiyan, sexual beasts who sleep with different women every night, and therefore, are too busy enjoying themselves to settle down with one woman. These men are typecast socially as Casanova womanizers in Hollywood movies or assumed to be the major masculine “player” types often heard in music. Unfortunately, the negative stereotypes of being a single black male will come from your inner circle more so than strangers.

Married male friends will often treat their single guy friends differently from their married ones. The been-married-for-a-few-years homie will, at times, unconsciously assume that the unmarried friend who doesn’t have any kids must be free of worry and will dismiss his concerns as minuscule. As if life and bills only happen to married folks.

Seldom, if at all, will the single male friend receive an invite to family gatherings like a kid’s 1st birthday party. Because being unmarried somehow means being allergic to wholesome activities (plus the fear that you might bring a kleptomaniac prostitute to their event). It isn’t their fault, but eventually married male friends will only desire to hang out when given a hall pass. Thus reducing your once valued role in their life from trusted brother to a mere Friday night Uber driver.

Family members—including parents—who were married with children by the age of 21 will express their discontent by mentioning that you’re not the young, full-hairline-having guy you used to be. Their mindset is that it is best to find yourself a woman so that you can settle down, while ignoring any possibility that your weekend nights are more solo Netflix and pass out  than YOLO club life.

That holiday dinner announcement of your new Barack Obama job offer? It gets overshadowed by your brother and his high-school-girlfriend-turn-wife’s news of their fourth pregnancy. Seconds later, an added ounce of annoyance will come from that favorite, always direct Auntie who will turn, look you and your new lady friend both in the eyes (you’ve been dating four months), and say, “So when is it gonna be ya’ll turn?!!”

A traditionalist world treats single men who are 30+ with a type of shame that delivers insults disguised as praise. Once a single black man reaches age 35, he is categorized either as an untamed horse who runs from responsibilities or a soulless specimen who failed in his purpose to breed and carry on the family’s given slave name. The sad part is not that he is single and alone, but that he is left alone and judged for not reaching society’s BS standard of relevance.

j hall


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